Speaking of people torn in two, I occasionally get emails from somewhat confused conservatives who like my cartoons but hate my politics. Yesterday I received this ambivalent classic:

Jen -- Needed a laugh, went to your strips. Decade of Doom = clever, funny! Circle of Stupidity = dumb

One reader's (viewer's?) opinion fwiw. Human nature and life's wackiness probably offer better material than your political preferences, IMO. But good luck to you!

Um, thanks?

So the Supreme Court ruled that corporations can spend as much as they want to influence elections. I've been watching with exasperation as various lefties tie themselves in knots over perceived conflict between the First Amendment and the destruction of what little remains of our democracy. It's not that complicated, people!

There's free speech, and then there's money you can spend to advertise that speech. Under campaign finance laws, corporations are still free to say whatever stupid thing they want, no matter how boneheaded or contrary to the public good. They just can't flood the airwaves -- the public airwaves -- with paid propaganda that most ordinary Americans can't afford themselves. (Yes, I know the law also affects labor unions and groups like Planned Parenthood, whose vast war chests simply crush those of giant multinationals, no?)

Using the court's logic, those without money to advance their viewpoint have, de facto, limited free speech. It all goes back to Isaiah Berlin's (and others') concept of positive and negative liberty: corporations' "freedom" to dominate the media (thus intimidating politicians in the process) takes away your freedom to be heard; or freedom from having your voice effectively censored.

Addendum: As an example of the conflicted lefties mentioned above, there's Glenn Greenwald, who takes an abstract, libertarian view of free speech (as opposed to empirical). He messily tries to argue against making a distinction between money and speech here. But he uses a bunch of ridiculously extreme counterexamples no one is proposing. In the 21st-century mass media age, a legal entity with millions and millions of dollars to purchase and distort reality is a little different from the piddling amounts of money spent in citizens' political activism.

"Comic Riffs" blogger Michael Cavna asked several cartoonists their thoughts on the new Apple tablet. You can read my response here. Also, my name suggestion for the tablet can be found here.

As you might have noticed, I poached this from my earlier blog post. A number of people were linking to it (thanks!), so I figured I may as well turn it into a cartoon. Instead of using "Republicans" and "Democrats," I decided to use the symbolic "Party A" and "Party B" to make it more of a parable.

To add to what I said earlier, isn't it remarkable how the same administration could be perceived as flaccid, milquetoast wimps by progressives and the second coming of the Third Reich by the teabaggers? That's what Obama's efforts at "bipartisanship" have wrought. It's time to drop that fantasy and start articulating a clear vision. Judging from what I've heard about the State of the Union address, however, I think we're in for more mush.

Continuing with my fixation with bizarre graphics in low-end web advertising, I just saw this on Salon this morning:


It's a badly-Photoshopped, Napoleon Dynamite Neanderthal! Fascinating.

Here's a little something from 2006 I'd like to dedicate to the United States Supreme Court, based on their ruling against campaign finance laws. Remember, money equals speech and giant multinationals equal people!

Ironic that I was just pleading for 100% public campaign financing two days ago, isn't it?

Doing some thinking out loud. At risk of pointing out the obvious, here are the steps that led to Massachusetts electing a total dipstick:

1) Republicans destroyed the country.

2) Dems took power.

3) Repubs blocked everything Dems tried to do, which is easy because 1/3 of Dems are basically Repubs.

4) Progressives get angry at Dems for not doing enough, while wingnuts go ballistic at Dems for trying to do anything at all.

5) Everyone hates the Dems, and the party that destroyed the country gets elected again. Whee!

How are the Dems most at fault? For not putting forth a strong enough narrative. Not calling out the Repubs' obstructionism made it seem like the gridlock was the Dems' fault. Right-wing Dems with ties to health insurance companies should have been publicly shamed by their own party. Obama, as I suggested last week, should have been using his rhetorical skills to frame the issues and go on the attack, but he's coming off more and more lately as an aloof technocrat. And he definitely needed to throw more bones to the base that elected him, an oversight the Dems seem intent on repeating through the decades. Now matter how much your hands are tied, you can still at least try to inspire.

A lot of lefties are noting that the Dems still have an 18-seat lead in the Senate, as though a third of the party weren't right-wing, market fundamentalist, Glenn Beck-cowed, industry-owned schmucks. Not terribly comforting, if you ask me.

Normally I don't bother with email from the lunatic fringe, but I got one today in which the writer was really, REALLY into referring to the health care plan as "sodomized medicine." I had to chuckle. Way to combine market fundamentalism and homophobia!

I cannot believe what a freaking clusterfrak it is trying to get this mildest of health care reform bills enacted. During the Bush era, if a bill passed both houses of Congress (probably with the help of a third of the Dems), we'd throw up our arms and assume that baby was a done deal. But I'm still seeing ads on TV to "KILL THE BILL!" and now we have this male bimbo eruption in the form of Scott Brown. What is up with Massachusetts and handsome douchebags?

As I've said many times before, nothing is going to change in this country until we have 100% publicly-financed elections. Unfortunately, in order for such reform to pass, we would need 100% publicly-financed elections.

Also, having spent a lot of time out West this past year, I have seen how sagebrush outnumbers people by a factor of one million. I suppose it's controversial to suggest that maybe the three people in Wyoming shouldn't have the same Senatorial clout as all of California or New York, but when you combine that disproportionate power with relentless use of the filibuster, I think something's gotta change.

Continuing with my recent musings about weird web advertising, I've been seeing this pop up on my Facebook page lately:


It's a mortgage ad done Shepard Fairey-style. Refinance your home... with hope! They're a little late to the game, though. Those Obama poster parodies are SO early 2009.

Reader Paul also pointed out the scary-looking mountain man who keeps showing up in other low-rent ads:


Combining this guy with ye olde "Momvertising" gimmick seems particularly strange. Consumerist has been on the case, though they don't really offer an explanation. I guess it's all about getting our attention -- but really, are there that many people so naïve as to take financial advice from something this scammy-looking? Wait, don't answer that.

I don't often make fun of other cartoonists -- we have enough problems -- but this cartoon is truly inane.

During the 2008 presidential race, I had lukewarm feelings toward Obama, as I felt he was a bit of a Clintonesque triangulator. You know, all that stuff about giving everyone a place at the table, including health insurance executives. (As the McCain/Palin phase of the race ensued, I pushed these reservations aside, of course.) But one thing that always excited me about Obama is that we might finally have a great speaker who could persuasively put forth progressive ideas. After a long silence, we could go on the rhetorical offense.

Yet this hasn't really materialized (with a few exceptions, such as improving international relations). My guess is that he's trying to preserve his image by rising above the fray, letting an already-unpopular Congress be the lightning rod for public disapproval. But the president can only insulate himself so much.

Nowadays, I actually find myself empathizing with Obama. The country is practically ungovernable; a third of the Democrats are basically Republicans. Which is why we need him to use the bully pulpit more than ever. Otherwise, the void will be filled with Hitler mustaches and other such nonsense. Beyond being stupid, that would be a tremendous wasted opportunity.

Here's a spot illo appearing in the current C-VILLE Weekly. The article is about a local developer, Halsey Minor (founder of CNET), who is prone to filing lawsuits, and also Richard Branson haircuts.

To be fair, I have no idea whether the lawsuits have merit, but I do know that Minor started building a massive hotel in downtown Charlottesville that has been abandoned in the exoskeleton stage ever since the housing bubble burst. It's so disproportionately tall, it should never have been started in the first place.

I'd like to dedicate the following video to the Landmark Hotel:

John Doe & The Sadies - Wrecking Ball - Columbus 5.10.09

OHIO ROCKS | MySpace Video

A somewhat philosophical Slowpoke to start off the new decade. We're all about slowing things down and savoring the finer things in life: a good beer, a homecooked dinner, and a hand-drawn cartoon.

As perusers of the SkyMall magazine may be aware, there is a ridiculous device called the QuickGym which supposedly gives you a complete workout in four minutes a day.So my third panel is not that much of an exaggeration. I've been waiting to work the QuickGym into a cartoon for years now, to be honest.

Everyone else is doing it, so why can't we? (The Strokes? Bo-ring!) I'm going to refrain from calling these the "best" of the decade, as there's so much music I haven't heard. Just compiling this list made me realize that about 90% of what I listen to is from the last century. These are the albums that appealed to my ultra-melodic sensibilities, or in the immortal words of Nick Lowe, PURE POP FOR NOW PEOPLE. In no particular order:

1. Ladytron - Light and Magic
Tough to choose between this, 604, and Witching Hour, but I find Light and Magic somehow the most consistent.

2. Dungen - Ta Det Lungt
Hearing "Panda" on the radio for the first time was one of those "What was THAT?" moments. The rest of the album, while different from the single, is also great.

3. Miss Kittin and the Hacker - First Album
"Stock. Exchange. Woman."

4. New Pornographers - Electric Version
Again, tough to choose between this and Mass Romantic, but Electric Version was my first love. Twin Cinema also noteworthy.

5. Calvin Harris - I Created Disco
Warm yet angular keyboardal goodness for the synth lover's soul. Sophomore effort not so much.

6. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Abattoir Blues
Let the bells ring! A full-bodied, transcendent masterpiece.

7. Ween - Quebec
The album that made me realize they're not just jerkoffs, but geniuses.

8. Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand
A perfectly-crafted pop album.

9. MGMT - Oracular Spectacular
Psychedelia for millennials. And lead singer is the son of an altweekly editor. What's not to like?

10. The Rogers Sisters - Purely Evil
A dark horse submission, but had this been recorded by the Talking Heads in the '70s, it would be considered a classic.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Pansy Division - Total Entertainment!
Fischerspooner - #1
Gang of Four - Return the Gift

It's a classic Slowpoke this week, though one so old that I had to spend an hour removing Zip-a-Tone dots from the original scan. (For those of you not in the know, or too young to remember Zip-a-Tone, it's a film we used to use to add dot shading to cartoons before the miracle of Photoshop.) So unless you own my first collection, Café Pompous, you probably haven't seen this one.

Taking a week off over the holidays is part of my belief system (Slowpokedom), though I haven't had much of a vacation. I've actually been moonlighting as a hostess and sommelier at a log cabin restaurant in an undisclosed location in the Rockies. (Longtime readers know I repair to my underground bunker in a cold, snowy place each holiday season.) Yes, the collapse of print media has come to this: cartoonists pouring wine in rustic dining establishments. I'm doing it partly for fun, though the extra cash is welcome too. So the next time you go out for dinner, be nice to the staff. Some of them might be syndicated. (You should, of course, be nice to the staff anyway.)

I've been known to mock the excessive attention paid to cute animal photos on the internet. But this blog is MONETIZED now, baby, which means you get the occasional photo of my dog covered in tiny snowballs.


I'm glad they really are snowballs instead of hideous fleshy, fluid-filled growths.