HEDGE FUND NATION
GOP congressman Herbert Perkins has an economic recovery plan. "There's no excuse for not being a millionaire. Not when everyone can run their own hedge fund! We're going to issue trading stations and seed money -- funded by the liquidation of Social Security!" (Fellow Republicans clapping)

Soon, everyone is trading, and no other work is being done. Woman: "What's that smell?" Man, trading: "Just the streets overflowing with sewage, honey. No biggie."

Some people make loads of money, but they can't spend it. Woman: "Please! I need a loaf of bread! I'll pay anything!" Grocer: "Sorry, I don't actually sell groceries anymore -- I trade wheat futures."

Eventually... Republican: "Everyone is starving! What are we going to do?" Mr. Perkins: "Obviously we need another tax cut for millionaires!" Republicans applaud.