MAKIN' IT WITH MITT Mitt Romney: "Hi there! I'm Mitt Romney, and I'm a highly successful guy!" "You too can follow my inspiring, all-American path... if you don't listen to that Soviet-style cheese rationer Obama!"

You see, Obama wants to redistribute wealth. That is absolutely not what we did at my leveraged-buyout firm!" "We hoovered wealth. Very different."

"Obama also wants to punish effort. Why, in the 13 years since I've retired from Bain and continued to collect tens of millions, it's taken a lot of effort to keep track of it all!"

"Yes, Obama opposes a merit-based society! How dare he think my sons don't merit their $100 million trust?"