NATION STUNNED BY DISPLAY OF COMPETENCE "Our top story tonight: Millions of Americans are in shock that, after a decade of economic, environmental, and military FUBARs, we managed to do something right."

"Emergency Medical Technicians are working round the clock to revive dazed and confused citizens." "Bin Laden... DEAD?!? We MUST have screwed the pooch somehow!" "Have a look at this cost-of-war counter. It'll bring you back to reality."

"Dr. Alice Fernweaver, professor of Western Flubology, argues that killing Bin Laden is not necessarily at odds with our normal bumbling idiocy." "The 21st Century has been a nonstop series of clusterf#cks and epic fails resulting in the destruction of everything we touched." "It was only a matter of time before we destroyed Bin Laden too."

"Scientists predict that, at this rate, the next act of competence will occur in the year 2022." "Our models indicate that that is the year we may finally stop bombing Afghanistan, or start addressing global warming." "If we make it that long."