ROMNEY STRAPS WORKER TO ROOF OF CAMPAIGN BUS BREAKING: Mitt Romney was spotted hauling a blue-collar laborer on top of his campaign bus on the recent drive from New Hampshire to South Carolina.

Romney says he wanted to bring "an ordinary American" with him on the campaign trail, but did not have room inside the vehicle. Mitt: "I have a large family, you know. It was either him or Tagg!"

Somewhere in Pennsylvania, the worker reportedly soiled himself, and Romney responded. "Get me the @#*! offa here!" Romney: "Don't worry! At Bain, we specialized in hosing employees!"

Romney flatly denies accusations that he's hopelessly out-of-touch and heartless. "That's just the politics of envy. Like so many complainers, this guy is getting a free ride!"